When I rescued my dog Peanut four and a half years ago, I had all of these ideas of what our life together would look like. I imagined her sitting at my feet as I worked away on the patio of a coffee shop or attended a dog-friendly happy hour. I pictured Saturday trips to the dog park and a stop by the farmer’s market on the way home.

The reality of life with Peanut has turned out to be much different.

Peanut is a medium-sized dog with a huge personality and a lot of love to give. She enjoys protecting our house, eating snacks from the kitchen, hunting for what I refer to as “ground snacks” – aka trash we find out and about that she thinks could be a great treat, loving her favorite humans and playing with her very small circle of dog friends.

She was born in a shelter in Mazatlan, Mexico after her mom was picked up pregnant off the streets. The shelter where she spent the first year of her life has really great volunteers that love and care for the dogs well. However, they just have so. many. dogs. I believe that Pea probably had some issues with other dogs there. When she first moved in with me, she would eat her food in 45 seconds flat which led me to believe she had to fight for food and anything else she wanted in her former home.

They say with rescues it takes 3 days for them to calm down from the foster to adoption transition, 3 weeks for them to fully adjust to their new home and 3 months for them to understand that this is their forever home. Which – SIDE NOTE: if you’re going to rescue a dog THINK ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD BECAUSE HOW DARE THESE PEOPLE BRING THESE BABIES BACK TO THEIR SHELTERS.

Pea was no different. Once she started to get comfortable with me and I got to know her we created a routine and ground rules that work for us.

As I started to take Pea out and about, I quickly learned that her trust of me does not extend to the broader world. She would growl and bark at new dogs which made dog parks and group training nearly impossible. It took her months to be able to calmly interact with her aforementioned small circle of canine companions.

With these interactions, I started to notice something. The amount of people who misunderstand my dog is immeasurable. When she gets reactive and barks or growls and I try to calm her down, the looks I often receive are intense. If those looks could kill, a ghost one thousand times over would be writing these words.

Initially, I would apologize, shrink into myself, try to move us along or completely change our course of travel. Removing us from the situation and getting those judgmental eyes off of us was my number one priority. And that worked…for a while.

Fast forward some months and we found ourselves in a situation we couldn’t just escape from. I took Pea out for an evening stroll around our building. Along the way, we encountered two off leash dogs. Pea made eye contact with the pair, immediately felt anxious and unsafe and she growled. That triggered the dogs to not only growl back but charge at us. What resulted was me in the middle of three dogs absolutely trying to tear each other apart.

Thankfully, the owner of the dogs was responsive and apologetic. No one got hurt. However, I let him have it. I don’t think I ever yelled that loudly at someone I barely knew. That night, something in me clicked and I knew something had to change. When you find yourself in potentially life or death situations, things shift.

After that night, I began to research more and educate myself on dog reactivity. I won’t proclaim to be an expert but the biggest takeaway I learned was – I am my dog’s voice and advocate. I am the one that has to communicate what she cannot.

A couple years later, we found ourselves in a similar situation with a different pair of dogs except much more serious. If I thought the first incident was life or death, I had no idea how serious it could get. Thankfully, again, no one was hurt. This new situation was much more tense and took much longer to resolve. Looking back I see it as my final test in graduating from the Universe’s course curated especially for me – Boundaries and Advocacy 101.

And was it ever. Every single time I wanted to be the one to smooth things over first, I stopped and reminded myself that this is not how we behave now. I didn’t want to be a person that people could count on to make amends first (if i was not at fault). I wanted to be the strong person that I am inwardly as well as outwardly. I truly made “Do no harm, Take no shit” my motto at that point in my life. It was tough but it was so rewarding.

I’ve seen the benefit of boundaries and self advocacy in the years since both of those incidents. I’m a much stronger person now and I’m no longer afraid to speak up if I need to. I sleep better at night and the anxiety I have leaving the house with Pea has decreased immensely. This has translated into my personal life as well. I no longer have a full blown anxiety attack if I need to hold my boundaries. I just hold them.

I won’t sit here and tell you my comfortability with all of this came over night. It took practice and it took understanding a couple of things. The first – knowing that I am allowed to take up the space I do. I wasn’t just put on this Earth to shrink smaller than my 5’1″ stature. Second – if I didn’t speak up for Pea who was going to? Same goes for me. If I don’t speak up for myself – who is going to?

It’s been said time and again that when you start holding boundaries and sticking up for yourself, it’s going to make people uncomfortable. In my experience, that is very accurate. The people who are used to you letting things slide will be all sorts of annoyed and confused when you put an end to it. As Mel Robbins says, “Let Them”.

If you have people pleaser tendencies coupled with anxiety like me, it can be hard to take steps to create and enforce boundaries. It can seem like it’s just easier to let everything slide. To just “get over it.” But I’m here to tell you, it’s so much more peaceful on the other side of all this. Nightly, I can get into bed with my dog and know that I did everything I could to protect my peace and hold our boundaries that day.

Do I still care what certain people think? Absolutely. Do I also know that I’m doing what I need to give me and Pea the best life? Without a doubt.

Who knew one of my greatest life lessons would come from a dog?