Currently, there is a trend going around on Tik Tok entitled “I Met My Younger Self For Coffee…” The user then utilizes text or a voiceover to discuss the differences in the “two people” who are meeting. Expectations, realities, disappointments, unexpected life turns – it’s all rather introspective. And it makes me sick. I had to participate.

My first question before we get started is – what age of mine would show up for coffee? The girl I was seventeen, fifteen, twelve or even five years ago (on the verge of the pandemic – a critical age for us all) is not the same as the others or even the woman/girl I am now. I still have a hard time calling myself a woman. As far as I’m concerned, in my head, I’m forever 21 and nowhere near ready for adulthood.

While I could offer myself at any of these ages some very sound pieces of advice, I always visit 21 year old, 2013 version of me in my head. The music, the fashion, the vibes…they always get me.

She arrives five minutes late while I sat in the car for 10 minutes, painfully early thanks to the anxiety and ADHD I found as an adult.

We’re both wearing black tops, jean shorts and Vans – no shock there. Although, I will have to let her know there was a period of time where we detoured away from this aesthetic. And we are very glad to be back.

Her hair is curlier and more effortless than mine – the benefit of youth and the fact that no damaging chemicals have touched those locks yet. She’s walked in with wired ear buds firmly in place, I know she has a perfectly curated playlist for walking to the coffee shop. An activity I haven’t found the time for lately.

She was…something. So young, so full of life and hope yet no stranger to adversity and heartbreak. She thought she had it all figured out.

I don’t think she had much of a plan beyond college graduation and even that milestone didn’t feel like it was actually attainable. I know she was having so much fun in college at that point in time that graduation was not something to look forward to. She didn’t want those days to end.

She had been on a study abroad and her first trip out of the country during the summer where she learned so much about the world and the fact that she had so much more to learn. She was settling into a new living situation in a house that she wasn’t quite sure was haunted (spoiler alert it was) with two girls she would consider more social friends, her newest friend (who would become her best friend) down the road and her closest guy friends right next door. They even provided a dog – they really were all set in their corner of the world.

While she wasn’t thinking beyond graduation, she was thinking towards the future. She was falling in love quite possibly for the first time and that had her mind spinning and her pens running dry with as much writing as she’d been doing. I still have those journals safely in my desk – some memories too full of longing to revisit.

She’s thrilled that we have our own dog, have been to countless music festivals and concerts and have a decent long-standing career. The career point is poignant as we tended to job-hop before we found this gig. Although she had no idea where she would go after college, she is shocked to hear we live in Vegas. Disappointment crosses her face to learn that we still haven’t lived in Boston and that boy she was in love with is nowhere to be found.

She notes that I look tired, a little stressed and definitely burnt out. That I look unsettled, anxious and like I have somewhere to be. That I look like I’m running out of time. She reminds me I still have time and nothing is permanent. I breathe a sigh of relief and tell her I’m going to need that as a constant reminder. If I’d heard that months earlier, I would have rolled my eyes and not welcomed the youthful advice. While she is still young and still has no idea what the real world actually contains, she is no way wrong.

As I look at the girl on the verge of some major life changes, I feel the need to protect her from them. But I can’t. All I can do is guide her in the way I wish I would have been guided. A thought crosses my mind, perhaps this version of me has always been there to guide her – that whole time/quantum physics thing. I’ll let someone more scientifically inclined try to explain it for me.

I tell her to savor this time in her life. Take the photos, spend time with the friends and really embrace the whole experience. I tell her that this time in her life is one I look back on fondly and wish frequently I could revisit even for a weekend – but only specific weekends and not all the time.

As we part ways I hope she takes some advice with her and I hope she believes me when I tell her she will make it through the most difficult parts of her 20s and early 30s. The reminders of a young life so full of optimism and hope are what I’m taking with me. That life is long but also short and I absolutely must do exactly what I want with mine. Most importantly, I’m not late at all. In fact, I may just be right on time.